Aidpage

Hello I would have never thought I would do anything like this. I am 25 years old and a stay at home mom to a 20 month old. I have been with my sig other for almost 8 and a half years. Okay, my like began in a small town, there I was the model student. I was in athletics, I did community service, and I was also a tutor. I graduated second in my class. I was accepted to all the schools anyone can dream of. I decided on Texas Christian University. I was there my whole freshman year. But being away from home really took a toll on me. I was lonely and I wasnt as busy as I had been my entire life. I guess it was there that my mind took a trip back in time. I remembered why I had always hated family gatherings and why I tried my hardest to stay busy. Anyway at the back of my mind I kept a dark secret. I was molested from the age of 6 til 10. Although I remember clearly now during my childhood until the time I started college I always kept it in the back of my mind for fear of embarrassment and because I did not want any one to know because I was threatened if I was to ever tell. Anyway I was away from home from the protection of my immediate family and the comfort of my boyfriend. The memories for some reason flooded over me. I really did not know how to handle it. I started doing mediocre at everything. So i decided to go closer to home. I transferred my second year to Arizona State. There I thought I was going to go to school with my high school sweetheart. But he decided to join the Marines. His brother joined and he for fear of anything ever happening to him joined to protect him. At this point I did not let anyone know of what my mind was remembering. I knew things would not be the same. I could not keep the memories inside anymore and I told my boyfriend and then my sister and then my parents. And like I always knew things were never the same. Our family gatherings were no longer gatherings or a hundred or so. They were just only my immediate family because everyone else did not want o believe what happened. My cousin molested me for years and no one wanted to believe me. Anyway it took years for me to deal with the change and take something horrible and change it to something good. I felt then like I was the only one, now I feel like I should help others who are in the same shoes as I once was. I really want to help young girls and boys to get on with their lives. All through this ordeal my studies were not being challenged by me. I put them aside and tried dealing with my problems, and me getting better jeopardized my studies. I was no longer an A+ student. At this time my boyfriend found out he was going to Iraq. I just decided that it was best that I take time off. We spent time together and he left for his deployment. We talked only a few times during the time he was gone. The only news I heard was something bad. He was with 3/25 Lima Co they lost many young men during their deployment. In fact my boyfriend almost died, his team leader, Cpl Andre Williams, was killed just an arms length in front of him. His deployment was my worst time ever, It was hard going anywhere. Everywhere I went was something about the war. But today I am so glad he came home when so many were lost. A year after he came home after 7 years of being with him, we concieved a baby boy. We named him Carter. In June 2008 John finished his duties with the marines. Now the only thing we are battling is PTSD. Some days he feels good. Some days he has the worst headache imaginable. Yet we are still trying to go through all the red tape at the VA trying to get him helped. He is in school at the time full time. We do not have very much money so I stay home and take care of our son. John hopes to be done with school in the next year and a half. We just hope by then we get some help with his disability. Cause clearly he is not the same person I have known all these years. I still love him though, he helped me through my rough patches. Now is my time to help him. I just want to finish school so we can do things on our own but our families arent rich. I owe money from when I was in school, about 27,000. If someone could help me get back in school, we will be set the rest of the way from there. Money doesnt mean alot to some people but this 27000 is a big thorn. It would never be there if so many things didnt happen.